when your EHarmony date looks more like George Costanza than George Clooney.

The Boat Basin

West 79th Street

(Follow the path all the way down to the Hudson River)

We all know that Internet dating sites are full of people who are "fudging the truth" about themselves. Their profile picture is probably from 7 years ago, they may still live with their parents, and they're definitely not a human rights lawyer. So in this world where 1 out of 5 new relationships start online - let's be honest, you are probably going to end up on a date with some whackjobs / fug-lies.

So what can you do to protect yourself? My advice - meet at a nice, fun place that if that will be great if things work out, but also a place where the exits are EVERYWHERE. For me, there's no better place than the Boat Basin on the upper west side. Perfectly located on the far west side of town, the Boat Basin is an upbeat and relaxing place to meet for drinks and a burger, and the view of the river is spectacular. It's THE spot for a great first date over the spring and summer months - but it's also a great place to escape from if you need it. This is one of the few places in NYC that you can exit by, car, bike, boat, kayak, on foot, or even by helicopter. No matter how much the other person freaks you out, you can pull a Mission: Impossible and get the eff out of there.

The Boat Basin is a casual bar and grill that easily packs in over 300 people on a summer Saturday. You definitely feel like you are on the shore, rather than NYC. There is a beautiful esplanade to take a walk on and see the yachts parked, and for anyone coming from outside the city, the restaurant actually has its own exit on the Henry Hudson Parkway so it's impossible to miss. The food is simple - burgers and sandwiches, but the lively atmosphere along with a bucket of coronas, the two of you sitting under the sun - who knows, maybe you'll warm up to the person across from you - and postpone your dramatic exit.

Tip: The brunch crowd is in full swing by 12:30, so try to arrive by 12 for a seat outside.

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to bring Jennifer Tilly for dinner.

Dell'Anima
38 8th Avenue
At Jane Street

Sometimes a hectic and bustling atmosphere can do wonders for drowning out an annoying voice. It could be your boring boss, your high pitched gay friend, or a sister who won't shut up about her kid's potty training.

Whatever the voice - you need some white noise to block it out. And nothing helps more than a crowded and loud restaurant.

Del'Anima fits the bill perfectly because you won't have to sacrifice any food quality for a noisy atmosphere. It's also a tight squeeze when you get a table, but the rustic Italian fare they create is worth the squish. The food is absolutely incredible, notably the Carbonara and the Bruschetta - they are the best I've had - and I eat those two things a LOT. They serve perfectly simple and fresh dishes in reasonable portions (The fat guy in me is always disappointed I didn't get a half pound of pasta), and the staff is more friendly than you'd expect for a hip and crowded spot like this. It's a great place for romantic dinner or catching up with an old friend - just as long as you didn't really want to hear what they had to say.

Tip: If they are booked inside - ask if there are any tables outside in back. They have 5 tables hidden behind the restaurant on West 4th. It's very quiet and is one of the few places that I like sitting outside.

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...when you absolutely, positively, without a doubt canNOT be seen with this person.

Raines Law Room

48 West 17th Street

Between 5th and 6th.

Remember that Bugs Bunny cartoon where Yosemite Sam tries to escape Bugs by flying to China, going into a cave, digging down 500 feet and then locks himself in a safe? Then in the darkness, someone lights a match - it's Bugs. What's up Doc? Well, that's New York City.

Sometimes, no matter how remote the borough, no matter how obscure the place is, no matter how far down the side alley you go - you WILL see someone you know. It's just one of the laws that this city has. But there are things you can do to get around this law if you're careful. So, if you absolutely can't be seen with the person your with - whether it's an affair, a sketchy business transaction, or catching up with your father who's in the witness protection program - I have just the place for you: Raines Law Room.

Down a dark and empty street, 2 full avenues from Union Square, in the quiet wasteland between the Village and Chelsea, lies an unmarked door. Ring the lit doorbell button and the door will open and an attractive foreign man simply says "We've been expecting you.". Once you walk in, the decor is of a 1920s apartment, turned into a hip spot for friends to meet and sneak a cocktail. There's no bar, just an apartment kitchen which is where the bartenders serve up classic drinks. With only about 12 tables, it hard for the place to get too crowded - increasing your odds tht you'll see someone you know. But just to be safe, ask for a table in the back.

Once you and your secret friend sit at a quiet and dimly lit table, just pull the string hanging on the wall for service. This helps keeping prying eyes of the staff away until you absolutely need them. Of course, this super secret location and service comes with a price. Drinks can run between $10 and $15, and the food menu consists of just a cheese plate. But you'll be able to rest easy, because on an off night, at an off time, with a back table at a speakeasy in this dead zone of Manhattan, I would say the chance of seeing someone you know is about 14% - which is the lowest this town is ever going to give you.

Tip: Sunday through Tuesday, they will accept reservations. Just send an email to reservations@raineslawroom.com by 3pm and let them know the number in your part and phone number. If you happen to get to Raines during prime hours, you can leave your name and cell number with the host and they WILL get in touch with you when a table opens up.

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...to spend a rainy Sunday afternoon.

Chelsea Market
75 9th Avenue

Between 15th and 16th Street

I hate sunny Sundays - with all the getting up at a reasonable hour, the showering, the walking aimlessly around the city, and the guilt that I didn't "take advantage of the weather". No way. Give me a rainy Sunday any Sunday. Give me movies on the couch, snacking and napping. And maybe - give me ONE place to go to get a great variety of food, without having to get wet - give me Chelsea Market.

Chelsea Market is a one floor mall that is home to an incredible variety of food shops - from fresh bread to fresh lobster. I love to walk it's simple layout, and stop at each place and get one small thing to eat. You can get out of there spending $30 and have a delicious meal. It's a great place for a date, when parents are in town, or even just by yourself to kill a couple hours.

I suggest:

The free wine tastings at Chelsea Wine Vault

The Spicy Noodles at Chelsea Thai

The soup at The Lobster Place

The chocolate chip cookies at Eleni's

The stracciatella gelato at L'Arte Del Gelato

Tip: If you feel like getting adventurous (and much more costly), get an appetizer at some of the city's best restaurants, like Buddhakan, Del Posto, and Morimoto, all located on the periphery of the Market.

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...to make up for making your boyfriend watch The Notebook.

DBGB
299 Bowery
Between Houston and 1st Street

Here's a newsflash - Guys tend to be a little over dramatic about what we have to put up with. Going shoe shopping with you, or to see your best friend for brunch, or going to your parents house for the weekend isn't exactly like being water-boarded - but we sure act like it is. And there's nothing we hate more, than to be subjected to 2 hours of absolute drivel like Mamma Mia! or The Notebook.

Once the credits rolls, it takes some serious work to make us feel better, no matter how much you said the movie means to you. So, if you have a grumpy, pouty man in your life that you need to apologize for making them suffer through gems like The English Patient, The Piano, actually any movie that starts with "The" and has a classical music soundtrack - there's nothing you can do, except put some food in our mouths and the best place to regain our respect and love is at the new gastropub DBGB.

This just-opened lower east side hot spot, created by Daniel Boulud as his alternative to his more fancy Daniel and The Modern, has a menu that is more masculine than Rambo. Once he sees the Sausage Menu there's no way that your guy won't start to warm up and crack a smile. One sausage is a great starter for one person, but you should carry on and get one of the incredible burgers or anything else from the grill. Be sure to save room for desert, where they make delicious plays on the classic ice cream sundae.

Tip: There's always a chance to get a table, even last minute - the very large front area of the restaurant is a "first come first serve" bar area.

Tip 2: The beer list is amazing, with some great selects from around the world - but be warned, some can be as expensive as $50 a pint. Seriously. So be careful not to say to the waiter, "bring me something good."

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...for a late night drink with that cute coworker.

The Campbell Apartment

Grand Central Station (Southwest Corner)

It's late and you've been pretending to work on a "big project" when really you've been surfing the net waiting for 9:30 to roll around so you can walk by the only cubicle still lit up, where the that smoking-hot workaholic sits, and you can say "Come on, let's take a break and grab a drink. We deserve it."

Well, now that you've worked up the courage to ask them out, now you need the perfect place to go. You could go to the Irish pub across the street - but if you want to make an impression, you need to take them somewhere memorable, somewhere that'll be "your place." And who knew the perfect place would just be a few blocks away in Grand Central Station? The Campbell Apartment is an elegant and intimate bar that's the best spot in midtown to get someone to relax, stop talking about work, and start to open up. You can both order your favorite drinks, sit at the beautiful bar, and maybe after a few, move to the comfortable couches at the far walls. Just try to hold back smiling when other coworkers hear about it and ask if it was a date, and you say "A date? Pshh...no. Come on. Grow up."

Tip: The bar requires proper attire (No hats, t-shirts or sneakers) and wait until 8pm, after the huge crowd of commuters leave to come by.

Fun Fact: The Campbell Apartment was never an actual apartment, but a private office of tycoon John Campbell. After falling into disrepair, the room served many different purposes, including a jail.

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...for when you're sick and tired of vodka tonics.

Flatiron Lounge

37 West 19th (Between 5th and 6th)

It doesn't matter if your drink of choice is an Amstel Light, Jack and Coke or a spiked Shirley Temple - isn't it time to try something new? Flatiron Lounge in Union Square strives to bring back the golden age of the cocktail, and with their intimate art-deco atmosphere, jazz music and skilled bar staff, they more than succeed. But what makes the Flatiron Lounge stand out is their nightly "Flights". Each evening they create three signature cocktails that feature a similar theme and serve them to you all at once. The night's theme can be around a specific liquor or a topic like "Rat Pack Favorites". It's the best way to try 3 new mixed drinks without being worried you'll be sick in the morning.

Tip: With three drinks in front of you, it's hard to pace yourself. Try.

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...for when you need to impress your dissapointed father / boss / parole officer / spouse

Bar Bao
100 West 82nd (And Columbus)

You've let a lot of people down in your life, admit it. I know I have. And sometimes the only way to make it up to them is to take them out for a great meal. A delicious dinner with exotic food cancels out at least 3 big let downs. So for all you deadbeat girlfriends, slacker employees, and sons who quit the boyscouts...Bar Bao is here for you.

This exciting and fashionable Upper West Side Vietnamese-fusion spot is all about quality preparation of quality ingredients. Simply: They cook food real good. The menu may be intimidating and you may be tempted to order the familiar, but don't. Nothing shows how much you've grown as a person, then to eat something out of your comfort zone. Here's the must haves: The sweet breads (deep fried glands that taste like chicken nuggets), the pork bellies (thick cuts of Bacon, perfectly cooked), and the Duck Hash (duck meat, daikon, and a fried egg).

Tip: This place is a duck lover's paradise, with 4 amazing duck-centric dishes (The duck fried rice is most popular)

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...for the best hangover cure in the city.

Resto
111 East 29th Street (Between Park and Lex)

Resto is an amazing Belgian bistro that aside from a great beer list, has one of the most perfect hangover cures known to man: The Hangover Pasta. Available for lunch and brunch, this "carbonara" spin consists of perfectly cooked spaghetti, delicious pieces of Vermont ham, a handful of shredded Gruyere cheese, a generous amount of black pepper, and topped with a fried egg. You heard me. With a spicy bloody Mary and pub style frites, any ills from partying the night before is quickly sent packing.

Tip: Some of the Belgian beers hit the 8% alcohol mark, which means:
1 beer = 2 beers.

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...for finally telling your best friend you're in love with them.

Elettaria

33 West 8th Street (At MacDougal St.)

It happened in Greek mythology, Renaissance paintings, Teen Wolf, Some Kind of Wonderful, and all the way up to Patrick Dempsey in Maid of Honor. Apparently falling in love with your best friend without even knowing it seems to happen a lot, so it's only fitting to recommend a perfect place to finally gather your courage and just say how you feel.

Elettaria is a perfect combination of a fun and romantic atmosphere. It's totally appropriate to meet your "best friend" for a great deal on happy hour drinks and delicious bar food, but when you say "Why don't we grab a table" it seamlessly switches to being a cozy and upscale restaurant with a beautiful open kitchen. The food is a tasty fusion of many influences from the middle east, Asia and Europe, and the menu is spectacular.

Fun Fact: The restaurant resides in the old "8th Wonder" music venue, where Jimi Hendrix used to play and the stage is now the open kitchen. In these days of rockstar chefs, I guess it makes sense.

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...for when it's 4 in the morning and you want something more than a diner.

Cafeteria
119 7th Avenue (At 17th Street)

Tyler Florence is a douchebag. Let me put that right out there. He's part of the cabal of shilling Food Network chefs who are hell bent on making us think that Applebees, TGI Friday's, Chilli's and any other food trough at the far corner of the mall is an actual restaurant. They're not. Trust me, I worked at Pizzeria Uno's. They're food processing plants with oars on the wall, and they're putting real restaurants out of business.

BUT...if there's one thing that Tyler Florence did right, it was way back when he was executive chef at the incredible Chelsea eatery, Cafeteria. Open 24/7, they serve elegant diner food in a casual, sophisticated lounge atmosphere. Cafeteria is great anytime of day, but it is a late night oasis when you are in the mood for Mac and Cheese, Meatloaf, BLTs, and cocktails.

Tip: Cafeteria has amazing biscuits, perfectly light and

fluffy - so get everyone at the beginning of the meal to ask for more so you have plenty on hand.

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..for showing your ex that you're doing just great without trying too hard to show that you're doing just great.

Cowgirl
519 Hudson St.

When you see an ex for the first time since you broke up, you want a lively place with great food and better booze - and I think the best way to get over any post break-up awkwardness is with the Frito-Pie, corndogs and Margaritas at Cowgirl. Fun without being too cheesy and the food is classic southern comfort. You'll also be perfectly situated by the Meatpacking district and the west village, so you can easily continue the evening. But after 2 pitchers of Cowgirl strawberry margaritas, I can not be blamed if bad decisions are made.

Tip: In the early weekend hours this place can get little kid friendly. I have experienced many disgusted looks from mothers at my behavior at 2pm on a Sunday.

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